Although we have made considerable progress in recent years, us Brits still come over all tight lipped when we talk about sex. And even if we are experiencing problems in the bedroom, the majority of us choose to ignore issues rather than even discuss them with our partners. It can be just as bad for partners, too, who are never quite sure what to do or what to say.
Below we highlight five common sexual problems and offer our advice, as well as a list of definite no-nos you would want to consider saying to your partner only if you were looking forward to becoming single again.
Impotence
What is it?
Impotence, or erectile dysfunction as it is also known, is the term used to refer to the inability of a man being able to achieve an erection long enough to have sex. It is a common condition, believed to affect one in ten men and most men will experience it at some point in their lives. In the past it was thought that frequent impotence was caused by psychological factors alone, however, new research has shown that there is a physical reason behind most cases of impotence too, and there is a strong link between erectile dysfunction and diabetes; the majority of sufferers have both psychological and physical symptoms. Sufferers should not live in silence and should seek help. For more advice visit The Sexual Dysfunction Association at www.sda.uk.net
What Not to Say..
Her – You’re not a real man and you can’t satisfy me in bed.
Him – Its not my fault, it’s your fault for not being sexy enough.
Going Off Sex
What is it?
Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory: it is when one partner in a relationship goes off sex. There are many reasons for this, and often, such as shortly after giving birth, it is quite a common and natural occurrence. However, other reasons for this could be having had bad sexual experiences in the past, relationship problems, stress and, sad but true, suddenly finding a partner unattractive. In long term relationships there are natural dips and peaks in the amount of sex you will have but some tricks to help boost flagging sex drives are: spend time together - many couples drift apart over time; set the scene and get in the mood with food, which are natural aphrodisiacs (zinc is a vital mineral for boosting libidos); or try out some new sexual positions, sex toys or role play. For some libido boosting bedroom items visit: www.annesummers.co.uk
What Not to Say..
Him – I’m bored of our sex life and don’t fancy you any more.
Her – Me too, lets move on to new sexual partners.
Failure to Orgasm
What is it?
Far more common in women than men, failure to reach an orgasm during penetrative sex is estimated to affect as many as 75 per cent of all women, with an unfortunate 12 per cent never being able to reach a climax at all. The main reason for failure to reach an orgasm during intercourse is largely due to a lack of clitoral stimulation during sex. Most women need to have direct clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm, but other reasons include: stress, tiredness and psychological hang-ups such as a fear of losing control, or feeling guilty when having sex.
What Not to Say..
Him – It’s not my fault you’re frigid, I am doing everything right in the bedroom.
Her – I never had this problem with my last partner.
Premature Ejaculation
What Is It?
The inability to control how long you last during sex and the inability to have sex long enough to satisfy your partner. Some men complain that they ejaculate almost immediately after penetration and are unable to control, even slightly, when they orgasm. Stress, tiredness and relationship issues can all be responsible for premature ejaculation, but there are a number of self-help techniques men should try to improve the condition. The stop-start technique, changing strokes during sex and experimenting with different sexual positions have been proven to delay premature ejaculation. For more advice visit The Sexual Dysfunction Association at www.sda.uk.net
What Not to Say..
Her – Is that it?
Him – Yes it is. Can you pass the cigarettes please?
Contracting a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI)
What is it?
There are several Sexually Transmitted Infections, or STIs, ranging from serious conditions such as HIV to mild inconveniences like thrush, all of which can be passed on through unprotected sex. Chlamydia is one of most common STIs and, because it has very few symptoms, is generally left untreated. It can have devastating effects on fertility levels if left untreated. Other common STIs include gonorrhoea: symptoms include a strong smelling vagina in women and pain when urinating, and a white, yellow or green discharge in men. Other STIs include syphilis, which can kill if left untreated; genital warts, pubic lice and thrush, although it is possible to catch the last three, in particularly pubic lice and thrush, without having sex with an infected person (sharing clothes, bedding or towels with an infected individual is enough to catch pubic lice!). To safeguard against STIs, even if you are in long term relationship, you should get checked out at a GUM clinic on a regular basis. For free confidential advice on STIs, sexual health and where to find local services call the Sexual Health Line on 0800 567 123 (24 hours) or visit www.nhsdirect.co.uk
What Not to Say..
Him – Your not clean and have given me an STI because you are sleeping around.
Her – as above!